"Disarm": New Video Release by Staci Frenes and Why This One's Personal

A few years ago, not long after our daughter Abby came out, the topic of gay marriage became a Hot Topic volleyed back and forth in public spaces like Facebook and Twitter. I saw how conversations about it quickly deteriorated into side-taking, name-calling, judging and blaming—on both sides.

I was tender at the time, wrestling with my own questions, having tough conversations with Abby, and didn’t want to talk about it publicly. But when I read those comments and posts I felt every negative one like a personal blow. I wanted to retaliate, to gather up my own personal arsenal of anger and indignation and fire it on the people who’d said hurtful things. 

The truth is, we all tend to come heavily armed to those Hot Topic conversations—with strong biases, deep-rooted opinions, favorite bible verses—to bolster and defend our point of view or attack our opponent’s. The goal becomes to win the argument. To be right. 

I wrote “Disarm” to remind myself that the point isn’t to win arguments. That to have honest conversations—and live in peace—with those who don’t share my perspective I have to let go of my arsenal, and my defense mechanisms, to listen, learn, and let love have the last word. I hope it can help you do the same. 

This live performance from a hot and steamy night last summer features a group of my favorite musicians gathered at the barn of my friend and co-hort in music making, Nate Sabin.